I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
