dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
