I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
