It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
