Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
