I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
All the doctor said was why
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
