i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
