I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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