This dress was meant to end up on your floor
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
