my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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