And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
