When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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