When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
