Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
