And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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