Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
