i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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