I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
