I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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