i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
