We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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