Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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