I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
