My room smells like vodka and shame
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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