She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just had sex on a roof
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
