You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
