i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
