i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
