'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
