Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
