She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
