So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
