Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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