I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
