I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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