Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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