Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
