Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
