Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
