Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
