On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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