Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
