there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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