Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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