Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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