He told me they were just razor bumps!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
