No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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