theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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