I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
is it fun? or sober?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
