what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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