end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
