I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Randomize
